dr. menlo in exquisite corpse
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D r. M e n l o presents:


.menlorama

drmenlo.com : est. 2000

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"Man oh man, 'Dr. Menlo.' Now there's an alternative blog. Kindness to animals, Seattle anarchists, nudism galore, SubGenius, anti-Bush black propaganda, jeez louise, Doc, that thing sure is happenin'."
--Bruce Sterling, Schism Matrix

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"Dr. Menlo is one smart guy, with a sharp eye for images sacred, profane, and in between. Sometimes the doctor riffs on them, sometimes he leaves you to connect the dots."
-- Killing the Buddha

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american samizdat

by the harbingers
Underground word lines for propaganda-heavy US.



sensual liberation army

by haruki flowers & co.

See Some Nudes/Save the World!

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blogeur

by relton dupiniot
He likes to watch . . . blogs. The Anti-Velveeta of Weblogs.

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by lgfcritic


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by kirsten anderson
Kirsten invented and runs the best art galleries in Seattle: the Roq la Rue and BLVD Gallery.



abuddhas memes

by tony tross
Tony chases Eris and his own personal Buddha-kin from the icy outer reaches of the Yukon.



"Ye fucking gods!! Are you nuts!? Those Jesuit bastards will eat you alive!"
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dr. menlo: proud member of the posse


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"Culture is the salve to the wound of mankind."
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Happy Halloween: America's #1 Pagan Holiday!!!

"Morticians pore over modern mummy . . . " . . . via Honeyguide


Light Shed On How The Brain 'Thinks' . . . via Science à GoGo.

Hey, hey! My baby will be in here!

Intro to Password-Cracking 101 . . . via Robot Wisdom.

Free Exotic Erotic Ball 2000 Photo Galleries . . . from San Francisco!

Libido's Pic O' The Week

This week's Impolitics by Geov Parrish.

"Curry may be addictive[!] . . . " . . . via Pigs & Fishes.


Cosmiverse

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .

K & D's "Black Baby"

Happy Beehive Nudes Halloween!!!


Currently showing @ Seattle's own Roq la Rue: Four on the Floor!


Archives fixed again. Sorry 'bout that.

Continuing on the More Like This? and To Be Continued threads . . . [Virus Hunter discontinued due to lack of interest], here is today's offering: Late Night Show-esque monologue jokes? In '95 I was called by the Late Show and asked to apply to their monologue program (wherein, if accepted, I would fax or email jokes in every morning and they would pick and choose, like 70 bucks per joke back then), and they then sent me their Worldwide Pants Release form. I didn't get it . . . and tried 2 years later w/o said form. What do you think? . . . So here are the best (?) ten: My TOP TEN REJECTED LATE SHOW MONOLOGUE jokes:::


T O P T E N

MONOLOGUE SUBMISSION JOKES REJECTED BY LATE SHOW

(circa Feb. 97 & Feb. 95)



10). THE PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH has just announced a ban on Homosexuals. In an official announcement last Tuesday a church spokesman said, "Hey, we hardly have enough hot, young altarboys for our own priests let alone a bunch of gay guys we don't even know . . ."


9). BILL CLINTON IS FACING a new scandal these days--involving, in effect, allegedly renting out the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House to campaign contributers. It's been averaged out that a one-night stay in the Lincoln Bedroom costs 25 thousand dollars . . . and for an extra 20 bucks Bill said he would throw in Hillary.


8). NEWT GINGRICH HAS BEEN laying low since the last time he embarassed himself. You remember this--when he had just been fined for ethics violation for lying recently he got all cocky again, and said to reporters at his last press conference, "You know, I may be a liar, but at least I'm not a liberal democrat stupidface."


7). NEWT HAS YET to pay the 300,000 fine levied against him by the Ethics Board, but he announced today a financial deal which may help him put some of the money up--Newt has signed a book deal to do an autobiography. The title of the book is going to be named after a last year's NYTimes bestseller actually--it's going to be called, "I AM A BIG FAT IDIOT."


6). TODAY'S ISSUE of USA TODAY reports that the cigarette company Lucky Strike has sponsored an online guide to music and other events in San Francisco, a move which may violate recent laws passed against tobacco companies advertising in "any medium of electronic communication." You can find this website at www.lungcancer.com.


5). THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY scored a victory today, however, when a federal judge dismissed a lawsuit in San Francisco against the tobacco companies. The tobacco industry, triumphant, vowed, "We are going to continue to fight this unholy attack on the American right to purchase tobacco, or our master's name is not Beezulbub."


4). YOU REMEMBER billionaire George Soros--he's the guy who bankrolled the fund that helped legalize marijuana in California and Arizona--well, since the US now is planning a massive anti-drug ad campaign aimed at teenagers, Soros has planned to counterattack with a pro-drug campaign. In fact the first ad is due out this week; it reads, "Be Young. Have Fun. Do Drugs."


3). ANOTHER COMPANY has just announced that it is entering the Home Drug Test Market. In fact, they claim that their test will be a lot cheaper than the other one that's already out. This one just comes with a 3X5 card which reads: "Does your child own any albums by the Grateful Dead?"


2). IN ENTERTAINMENT news, John Gotti's daughter, Victoria Gotti, has just published her first book. The ad campaign for it reads, "Buy this book. We won't ask twice."



1). AND DREW BARRYMORE appears naked in this month's issue of Playboy. But the funny thing is, the really weird thing is, late last night Steven Spielberg received a mysterious fax . . . it said, "I'm coming home." Signed, "E.T."



More like this--but updated?

Jack Kerouac Random Quote Generator

"Exercise may fight depression better than drug, study says . . . " . . . via Plasticboy.

Bubblecraft Spaceships! . . . via Orbitalworks.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Future . . . via Overmorgen

Tom Tomorrow today.

"Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends."--George Bernard Shaw



Just who is the sexiest vegetarian alive?





"Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet."--Albert Einstein

. . . & you don't seriously think you're smarter than Einstein, do you?

Russian TV Tries Naked Newscasts

I really like this song.

Happy Birthday, Jack Kerouac.

Exquisite Corpse Issue #7 is now on. I'm not in this one.

Jaap van Deijk's Erotic Art Index Page!


Tom Tomorrow Goes
Animated!!!


"My Poisoned Wife" . . . a Crispin Glover fanpage via randomWalks.

(Crispin Glover is on the 'International Art Machine: The Movie' Casting List, fyi.)

Clandestine Radio . . . via Metafilter.

Dr. Menlo is currently available for work in the Seattle area . . . or via the web anyplace at all, really. Got Brains?


Panoramic Xanadu?


Exploratorium's Ten Cool Sites for October


Tom Tomorrow today.


Greenhouse Effect Worries Hawking. . . . via Orbitalworks.


"I am afraid the atmosphere might get hotter and hotter until it will be like Venus with boiling sulfuric acid," the physicist told Britain's Press Association. "I am worried about the greenhouse effect."

Yet where is "THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT" mentioned once in the current "debates"??? NOWHERE! . . . like the current sticker/graphic sez: "Same F***ing Difference" w/the copulatin' elephant/donkey & vice versa pics . . . Bush and Gore were EVEN WEARING THE SAME EXACT UNIFORMS!!! . . . and what did they debate about? "Well, when I get to the White House, I'm gonna cut the lawn in circles--" . . . "Well, when I get to the White House, I'm gonna cut the lawn in squares --" . . . meanwhile, Ralph Nader stands outside with a ticket--and he is told that he'll be arrested if he doesn't leave! AND HE HAD A TICKET!!!

FUCK the Democratic Party--I'm voting for NADER, and if Bush wins, well, that's TOUGH PATOOTIE!!!


The ICEBERGS ARE MELTING, PEOPLE!!!



Dr. Menlo.com presents:


VIRUS HUNTER


Starring "The Professor"




The worst thing about being on G-Dod was that they didn't kill you--they let you live.


I was all locked up, above the floor, gut facing down, hips and legs and arms in stirrups--had been like that for 70 days when they came and got me . . . ushered me feet trailing into the office of E.B. Smokes where I collided into a chair.



E.B. looked me up and down auspiciously.


"Prisioner number 15101152? he said in a Martian Southern drawl.


"So they tell me." I said. My own voice sounded foreign in my ears--I used to use it way back when, when I had a life. When I had a wife.



"We got a job for you." he said.


"I don't do jobs," I said. "I'm . . . in prison. You know," I motioned to the sky. "This place."


"You being smart with me, son?" E.B. asked.


"Well, if you count pragamatic as being smart." I said.


He shook his head and rose from his chair.


"What do you have to look forward to in life?" he asked me.


"Nothing." I said. "Completely nothing."


"Hm, yes," he said. "Yes, you are right. Nothing. So you're not even interested in the proposal I have for you?"


"Well, a proposal, sure. You said a job, earlier . . . but I'm all ears for a new proposal."


"Right." he said. "We need you to do some virus-hunting for us."


"Would this . . . virus-hunting entail the use by me of one large gun?"


"No guns."


"Hm," I said seriously, shaking my head.


"You have to kill this virus by killing the people it presently inhabits."


"These people . . . wouldn't be prison guards by any chance, would they?"


"No," he said, smiling. "No prison guards."


"Will these people die from the virus even without my intervention?"


"We don't know." he said.


"So why--"


"Because they can't take that chance."


"They?"


"The Universal Committee, who have ordered this job and tapped us to do it."

"There's that word job again--so where's the proposal part?"


"There's no proposal son, you do the f***ing job or else."


"Or else what?" I said.


E.B. pushes a button on the top of his desk and an enormous robot wheels itself from behind one of the side velvet cutains acting as spurious walls. The thing is as big as a Chicago butcher, with boxing gloves on. It wheels itself in front of me and stops there, seemingly very familiar with the drill. It's corrugated hull is splattered with long-dried flecks of blood that nobody ever bothered to wash off. Stuck to the side of it's head is somebody's eyeball just hanging there--possibly Ed's. E.B. gives the order and the bot works me over for a while mercilessly.


After a while the thing straightens up and E.B. sez, "Are we ready to do bidness or does this robot need a recharge?"

I spit out a tooth. "Recharge mofo--you musta forgot I'm the All League Pain Champion of Gamma Delta Ray."

But the robot receives a hidden signal and wheels itself back to it's post, that eyeball still dangling there off the side of it's faceplate.


E.B. comes over with a glass of something and splashes it on my face. It's water, feels good.


"I didn't think that would work," he said. "But I like to keep my robots exercised, you know?" He breaks a big grin.


"Ok," he said, taking a remote control out of his pocket and flicking a switch. A screen descends from behind his desk and the room goes a little darker.


"Plan 2: Your family." On the screen the images issue forth: my wife and 2 kids lollygagging about in some sun-drenched yard. At least I think they were mine . . . it's been so long.


"Let me guess," I said. "You'll kill them if I don't accede."


"Accede--very good--you still got some brain cells left."

"How do I know they're still alive? How do I know she's not remarried?" I said.


"She is remarried, and they are still alive."


I didn't tell him but my guts went real sour right about then.


"Oh for f***'s sake," I said. We then proceeded to Stage 2.




I was showered and shaved and put into a blue jumpsuit and new boots and ushered into the special dining hall for outgoing assignees. If there was a job in the universe too dirty for normal folk--a G-Dod prisoner usually got it. All outgoing assignees were implanted with Death Paks, of course . . . this in lieu of fealty oaths, I guess. If ever an outgoing assignee got out of line . . . all somebody had to do at G-Dod HQ was press a button and foof---no more prisoner. Had anybody ever escaped? Nobody knew--our word lines were nil. They were good at that--dilapidation of communications, bodies, spirits. They had thousands of years practice, after all.


I was then shown into the movie room--where I was to watch onscreen the background of my present mission. I was beginning to feel quite comfortable then, lounging about in an oversized blue velour chair in that darkened room, stomach pleasantly roiling. Then in came E.B. with his projector remote . . . the room went all dark and up came a vision of loveliness . . . loveliness that I had to kill.



To Be Continued?

Note: I will be proffering several examples in the upcoming days, weeks, of all different genres, styles . . . and I will continue only those for which I receive email for--even a single, blank message ('cepting the title of the proffered piece, mebbe) will be enough To Be Continued . . .


Ralph and B. Marley, together at last.


Since last June's inception, we here at drmenlo.com have been extremely proud to have been noticed by (that we know of): Lake Effect, Le Blogeur, drat fink, Infohazard, Subterranean Notes and Hypertext Kitchen (the last 2 for my present piece in Andrei Codrescu's Exquisite Corpse) . . . we have also been additionally pleased by being put into Metascene's permanent cabal. They are honorary International Art Machine agents all.




My archives are now fixed. Sorry about that.



New on the Left:



NewsTrolls

Null device

Guardian Unlimited

Eatonweb

Honeyguide

Fresh Hell

Overmorgen

Site Sherpa

RandomWalks

Rebecca's Pocket


New on the Right:



Universal Declaration of Human Rights

kcmu

No More Prisons.net

Free B92

Fantagraphics

Please Enjoy Your Stay!





I may be entering this contest.


Courtesy of Mr. Planet:






"Art is not a mirror to reflect reality, but a hammer with which to
shape it." --A. Brecht

Thrift Store Paintings! . . . via gmtPlus9
.



. . . via This Island Earth.



Buckminster Fuller Library

.progressive site of the week

charity: water


.save the world

.think future
world changing
treehugger
boingboing
bruce sterling
william gibson
renegade futurist
cool hunting
think flying cars and everybody eats (faster)

.read

Active Harbingers [updated 07.05.09]:
Uncle $cam
the.thistle
ddjango
Philip Shropshire
Leslie Blanchard
Cicero
Klintron
Mad Kane
backspace
Andrew
Padawan
Emily
m
emg
Bill
Bruce
Mule
Mark Plattner
Youngfox
Skippy


.funny
internet weekly
boondocks
doonesbury
get your war on
the onion

~

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union of concerned scientists

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.ecosphere
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working for change

.ensure a free and fair election (ban paperless voting machines)
the brad blog
ohio election fraud
blackboxvoting.org
verifiedvoting.org
voteprotect.org
blackboxvoting.com
instant runoff voting

.the progressive blog alliance

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dr. menlo network: american samizdat | sensual liberation army | slick n' dirty
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